The pieces are beginning to fall into place. Each physical piece has a mental counterpart that must adapt and change too.

Currently, it is health. I can only focus on one thing at a time, but this is a big thing. It’s the cornerstone – nay, the foundation of my physical existence.

I have had a lifetime of struggle with my health. As a kid and well into my 20’s, I’d always thought of it in terms of how much I weighed and the amount of food I ate. Exercise was an aside, and not really a problem. But as I got older, I would do less and less physical activity, especially that which I actually wanted to do. And it didn’t help that I was (and am) a lazy-butt.

Still I remember running around my yard with my sister and neighbors playing tag, kick the can and riding our bikes everywhere. Rarely do I remember getting too winded or tired really fast (definitely not as fast as I do now). But, looking back I see that it was because I was out there all the time. I didn’t care about what I looked like in my clothes, only that they were comfortable enough for me to move around in.

Now, I wasn’t the most athletic in the bunch, and in fact, I was most often teased for that fact. Unfortunately, I was also teased for my choice in dress (hot pink stretch pants with stirrup straps and t-shirts, nothing fancy, no jeans, ever.) [photo above: I’m in red, my mom made that… I didn’t have much choice in the matter.]

The sensitive person that am was slowly broken down by the teasing, and I believed those bullies. They were, after all, my peers.  (Stupid peers and their judging!)

But I rebounded. (yay!)

A couple times… (?)… a couple different ways. (… ?)

OK, this could get really complicated, but I’m gonna keep short and sweet.

At 13, moved away from bullies & started feeling better about myself. Started wearing jeans.

At 14, started first “diet” (bleh) & did it! Lost 30 pounds.

At 16, started driving & working, and now could eat fast food whenever I wanted. (uh oh…)

At 20, after struggling with trying “eating right” (more like hitting my head against a brick wall repeatedly), finishing high school, & starting college I reached an all time high weight. (not pretty, see Facebook)

I’m then diagnosed with ADD and started taking various (prescription) amphetamines, which killed my appetite & revved my metabolism in high gear. Lost 60 pounds, with no real exercise.

At 21, met Omar, and rarely left his side. We love to eat, a lot. We don’t exercise. Well, he doesn’t exercise… very often.

Point: I am trying to exercise more (doesn’t have to be extreme, but anything feels extreme to me right now).

Point Point: I’m also eating better. Not necessarily less, although, that wouldn’t be a bad idea every now and again. But, I am eating way more fruits and vegetables than I was two months ago.

Moving to this new place, with just Omar and me has been great. I finally feel free to do what I want, when I want without having to worry about other people and stepping on their toes. I know I didn’t have to feel that way before, but that’s just the kind of person I am.

Plus, Trader Joe’s is like right around the corner (don’t have to go through any traffic lights)! Perfect for trying to have a more balanced, healthy diet. And it’s cheaper 9 times out of 10!

Anyways, right now all I am doing is trying to eat better, cook more, take more walks, and do squats in my spare moments (watching TV, smoking a cigarette -another habit I need to fix- standing in line, etc.). Also, lifting 3 pound hand weights while watching TV, too.

My lazy-butt always wanted to stop when it got too tough, and didn’t understand that to get better, even to maintain, one must never stop.   One must keep practicing. (I never liked practice; gave up the piano, basketball, clarinet, guitar, and soccer.  The only thing I did like to practice, was with the choir.)

So, I keep looking at my new Pinterest.com page; “Healthy Inspiration.” It does the trick to keep me motivated.  I read the words and see the hot bodies… and wish, just as much as I had before, that I had just a hint of a body like theirs’.  But, now I’m putting it together…. small changes consistently applied over time, create big lasting changes.

“Just Do It”

Don’t. Give. Up.

-rlilly